Bathing Habits
by storiewriter
Summary: Torako needs to pee and she's not going to wait around for Mr. I'm-a-demon-who-doesn't-need-to-bathe-but-I'm-going-to-spend-a-minimum-of-four-hours-soaking-in-the-tub to finish up. Transcendence AU


It was a well-known fact in the pseudo-Pines-Lam-Farkas household that Bentley took quick showers in the morning and Torako spent eons taking hers in the evening, doing more singing than bathing. It was additionally well-known that Tyrone Pines did not need baths, and that despite this fact, he took the longest of them all when he managed to snag the bathroom.

Torako wasn't going to wait three more hours for him to decide he was finished.

She opened the door, drawling, "I never would have guessed."

"Can't pee now," Dipper said, swirling his wineglass. The demon had his wings out, curling around him in the bathtub, as little candles floated everywhere. "Dipper time."

Unimpressed, Torako flicked the light on and ignored how he whined that it was disturbing the mood. "I drank four cups of coffee right before class an hour ago, I am not waiting. My pants are coming down. Deal with it."

"Ew, no, Tora, you're disrupting my flow! Turn off the light and leave." Dipper pointed one freshly-painted claw at her and kicked his feet. Water and bubbles sloshed up the sides of the tub but didn't spill over.

She lifted the lid of the toilet, slid her jeans and underwear to her ankles, and sat down. "Yeah, well, you disrupt my flow and it'll end up all over the carpet in _your_ bedroom."

Dipper grumbled and sunk down into the bathtub, glaring at her over the suds. Torako laughed and leaned over to put her elbows on her knees.

"Hey, Bentley! We're having a half-naked party in here, wanna join?" She hollered. For a moment, all she could hear was Dipper sloshing the water in the bathtub around and the sound of liquid hitting liquid at full-shower.

Eventually, Bentley hollered back through the apartment, "Shut up Torako!"

"Ha!" Dipper exclaimed, resurfacing with a beard of bubbles. Her glare didn't deter him from saying, "You need some water for that burn?"

She rolled her eyes and flicked her fingers at him. "Oh, shu—"

Dipper's wing moved, and suddenly there was a shower of sudsy, rose-scented bathwater falling on her. Torako, for a moment, didn't move, almost uncomprehending of the fact that she was now half-wet.

Then she raised her head, stood from the toilet, and turned on the sink faucet.

"You really sure you want to do this?" Dipper asked, smirking as he sat up in the tub, arms spread and ready to splash.

"You're going _down_ ," Torako sneered, and she flung her first palmful of water at him.

* * *

Bentley hadn't paid much attention to Torako and Dipper shrieking in the bathroom until there was a knock at his door and he looked up to see Torako, missing her pants and sopping wet, leaning against the doorfame. "The bathroom might be full of suds and water. You should probably clean that."

"What the hell," Bentley said. He put his reading to the side. "Why the hell should I clean that, if you made the mess, you're responsible for it."

Torako grinned. "Excuse you, but the bubble bath fight was _your_ demon brother's fault."

"No it wasn't!" Dipper yelled, presumably from the bathroom.

Bentley groaned and shoved his face into his pillow.

"It totally was!" Torako called back. "You started it!"

"You interrupted my relaxing bath with your stupid human functions!"

"You don't even need to bathe, you little shit!"

How was this his life, Bentley wondered. He spoke into the pillow. "Well, it sounds like it was both of you, so both of you go clean it up! I had nothing to do with this."

"What are you talking about? You introduced him into my life!" Torako was taking soggy steps into his bedroom, and Bentley lifted his face from the welcoming darkness of the pillow.

"You introduced _yourself_ into my life, Tora."

She flung her hands and sprayed water everywhere. Bentley covered up his tablet with a pillow. "I didn't know it was a two for one deal!"

"Not my fault," Bentley said, shoving his face back into his pillow. "Go clean the bathroom yourself."

For a short while, Bentley thought the issue had been resolved. Then he felt Torako's arms shove under his body and he was flung over her sopping shoulder.

"You're not," he said as he watched his bed move further away. "You're _not_."

"Watch out Dipper!" Torako hollered. "Here comes trouble!"

Bentley kicked his legs and smacked her back as they left his room and moved across the living room. "Torako don't, don't , this is slander and lies and villainy _don't_!"

All too soon, they passed into the bathroom and he was unceremoniously dumped into the warm bathwater there, sweatpants soaked and shirt plastered against his skin. A curtain of water sloshed out of the bathtub and crashed against the floor, suds swirling everywhere.

Bentley glared up through his bangs at Torako and Dipper, who was wrapped in a towel. Torako cackled. "There! Now you _have_ had something to do with it!

How was this his life, Bentley wondered. He looked at their identical shit-eating grins, down at the bathwater he was sitting in, and decided that there would be hell to pay.

With one arm, he shoved water at the both of them and rose to his knees. "Come and get me, jerkfaces."

* * *

Dipper had to be offered a sundae a week for the next month in order to get rid of the waterstain on their downstairs neighbor's ceiling. The noise complaints about screaming and running in their apartment, however, were unfortunately not, and things were very quiet in the Pines-Lam-Farkas household for a period thereafter.


End file.
